Thursday, February 10, 2011

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

  'And the greatest of these is love'.  1 Corinthians 13:13

The time has come for another Thursday Jam over at Faith Barista.  This week's topic is 'What I wished someone had told me about marriage'.  Oh boy....

Where do I go with this one?  Don't we all enter into marriage on the blind side?  If we had our senses about us, most of us wouldn't have married the person we did (not that this is true in my case).  In any event, there are just things that we wished we would've known before we took the big leap into forever. 

I must say that my hubby and I did the whole pre-marital counseling thing and did a really good job at bumbling through a really uncomfortable time.  Neither one of us likes to talk about 'stuff' and to be encouraged to do so just was not our cup of tea.  But we did it and I'm glad we did.  I read the books, he didn't, and we got married.  And that was that.

BUT- there are some things that I wish I'd known.  Or maybe I did know, but just didn't want to listen to.  Like the fact that it was OK for him to go play basketball with his buddies. I wish he'd have known once was OK, but not twice a week.  I also wished I'd have known we were both messy.  Maybe I'd have taken more of an initiative to be cleaner, but probably not. 

I have to say that that first year was a hard one.  Had we not believed in the institute of marriage and the fact that we were stuck with each other no matter what, we probably wouldn't have made the effort to make it work.  Unfortunately, we are seeing that a lot lately, even in the church.  Kids getting married because they think it will be fun, but when they find out it's not so much at first--they just give up and go their different ways.

That is not what God intended when he created the institute of marriage.  It is up to us, the more 'mature' married couples, to lead the younger ones.  To show them how to fight for their marriages and their families.  If they don't see it in action, then they'll follow the example of the world.  So consider finding a young couple to befriend, mentor, or just hang out with.  It can make a difference that you may not even realize.

'Then they (older women) can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.'  Titus 2:4-5 



penguinsandladybugs said...

What a great idea....finding a younger couple to mentor!! Thanks for sharing your post!

Debbie Dillon said...

SO well said, and that verse in Titus is one of my favorites!
There are definitely things that sometimes take years to reveal, but I'm just blessed beyond belief to have been chosen by my Matthew. He's not "perfect" and has "issues" like the rest of us, but we're definitely joined at the heart :) After 22 years of marriage, we're both more in love now than the day we said "I do!"

Eileen said...

I think one thing that I had to learn is that you need to be honest with yourselves from the very beginning. Don't attempt to change to become what that person wants. Communicating expectations are so very important. Great post!

Heidi said...

I wasn't a Christian when I got married and my family is riddled with divorce. I know we wouldn't have made it if it hadn't been for my salvation and God's true plan for marriage. It can still be challenging because we are SO completely opposite, but I see how God has used that to better us both. We are so much closer for having struggled together and seen God in the midst of it. Great post!

Laura said...

Great advice...that's what I'm hoping my post for today will do - help someone along.

Phather Phil Malmstrom said...

Wonderful article Allison. You're right, I know that none of us had a clue what we were getting into when we got married.

Shannon and I have certainly had our ups-and-downs over our 15+ years, but I can honestly say our trials and struggles have actually made us stronger as a couple, and we're more in love today than we were when we started out. It very much bothers us both when we see marriage being taken as a "we'll give this a shot" commitment instead of the lifetime union that God intentioned.

And I completely agree; It's up to the more 'seasoned' couples who've been through the rough times to help lead the younger ones down the path.

Thank you for this, and Have a Blessed Day!

Bonnie Gray said...

Oh, Allison, you are a mentor at heart, aren't you. An encouraging one. So glad you jammed. Marriage is hard in today's culture - we need to hear that it is worth fighting for, esp. from those who've struggled can relate -- and those words count the most.

Sheryl said...

May you find teachable couples to mentor and to appreciate your generosity in experience.

Jill Beran said...

What a great post and such an important topic! I pray God will use your words to help many!!