“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. Isaiah 55:8
I want to know what God was thinking when He gave me a special needs child. I really do. I want to know why He put this child here for us to nurture and help grow. We went to my older son's field day this past week and I watched Sam as he tried to play with a little girl from his Wee School. She knew him. She approached him first. She was kind and even tried to help him stand up once. Cute as it was, it absolutely broke this Mommy's heart. He couldn't run with her. He couldn't stoop on the ground quite like she could.
Why couldn't I have had three 'normal' boys? Why was I the one who had to have the special child? Selfish thoughts, I know, but they are honest thoughts no one wants to say out loud. Please don't misunderstand. I love my son more than anything (except Jesus), but I really, really want him to have a normal life. I don't want him to face adversity. I don't want him to be made fun of or have his feelings crushed. I want him to be able to run and play without getting hurt. I want him to be able to go to 'normal' school and just be a boy.
As I write this, I begin to see that this is how God felt about His Son. He didn't want Him to grow up and be crucified, but He knew that is what it would take to redeem this fallen world. He gave His Son life, just to have it taken away from Him again. But what happened after was worth every bit of suffering and pain He'd endure at the hands of mere men. I will hold onto this thought for my Sam. Even though he may have adversity here on this earth, his eternity will be so much sweeter. There he will be whole. His life here will have meaning in the way we raise Him to love Jesus and to depend on His strength.
Maybe now I know at least part of the reason God gave us one of the special children. So we could learn to lean on Him and to draw our strength from Him. He entrusted us with a treasure, even if we choose not to see it sometimes. We will be blessed as we rear this child into the man He has designed him to be. I thank Him for the gift He has given to me, the gift He chose jsut for me.